November 19, 2008

On twits who mind your flabs

The comment below was supposed to have been for Urban Recluse's July article, "Getting Through Saturday", but the site had a glitch when I tried posting and I eventually forgot about it until recently. It's been a while since that event took place, so I'm not even posting this comment on the original article. However, it is a relevant issue which many of you can probably relate to. So, I'm posting the comment here instead, for those who has experienced the same tragic torment by people, supposedly your kin or even friends who casually throw remarks about your physical appearance, especially involving your weight, when they see you again in a social setting, especially in a social setting.

And I thought that only my culture (Filipino's) is notorious for this social blunder or just a clear case of tactlessness, bordering on rudeness, of bringing up someone else's weight, or anyother flaw on one's physical appearance. If I were to attend that party in your place, I'd tweak your mom's finesse and flavor it a bit with George Carlin's bluntness spiced with sarcasm.

For example:

(Uncouth) Godmother: Darling, you’re living a fine life, aren’t you, as I can see that you've been eating rather well.

(Refined and Feisty) You: Why, thank you. It’s nice of you to notice (with an exaggerated smile and full eye-contact). It's always a delight to see you. How are you? Well, you don't seem to be having any difficulty yourself. You look rather lively and well-fed as well. Now I hate to cut this short, but you'll have to excuse me, as I just can't resist another round of those mouth-watering hors d'oeuvres.


U.Godmother: Honey, either my vision's oddly increased the size of the things I see or you've swelled six sizes since the last time I saw you (with gaping mouth).

R.F.Y: Oh, (Ill-bred) Godmother, it's always a delight to see you. How are you? You look healthy! Do be careful leaving your mouth hanging as the bugs are out at this time of the year. And oh, by the way, have you seen the international news headline at all? Well, apparently, someone was severely punished in Singapore for casually making a rude remark at a social function. The person was made to sit on the buffet table like a pig, bare-naked with an apple on her head as the high official's daughter aimed knives at it—the apple. As it turned out the high official's mother was the one who had thrown the party and the pig on the buffet table who had "unintentionally" thrown an insult to the host's daughter was the godmother. Anyway, I thought I'd update you on that current event, since it's been the talk of town. Now, I must leave you for those irresistible hors d’oeuvres (with full eye-contact, an affable facial expression, and intensity in recounting the fabricated story to discourage any interruptions in the form of your disturbed godmother's responses). You get the point.

I commiserate. I experienced similar situations, from both shallow friends and annoying relatives with peas for brains. Other friends of mine, even one who is of another culture, also had tragic experiences like that, enough to not only humiliate but dumbfound one in a social scene. Show up with dignity and enjoy your little time there with your mom and the food and the wine and the rest of the company; it can't possibly be that every guest turns out to be a pig. Then leave when you wish. Allow yourself that fleeting peace by tuning out those nasty memories and letting yourself go. It gets easier after the first few minutes. Anyway, you might just have a different experience this time and end up having a good time. Also, it will pass, as with everything else.

Apparently, the event did turn out fine for Urban Recluse. Still, it never hurts to be armed with smart, yes even sarcastic, retorts to twits who temporarily lose their wits whenever they see you.

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